I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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