Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize