The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
