How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
