Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
