I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
