I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
