Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
