hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
