he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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