Its about making memories worth repressing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
