I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
