i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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