laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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