This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My breasts were aching with rage.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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