I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
false alarm. still invincible.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
