i'm signing you up for texting rehab
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
