I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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