This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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