Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
