Sponge bath it is.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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