I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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