Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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