we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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