what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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