The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
