Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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