Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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