What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
