This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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