what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think your dad took our porno
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
