just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
