I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
