I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
