my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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