this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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