laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
