I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
