Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
