I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
