Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
