The best revenge is premature balding
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
