it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was like eating out sand paper
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
