please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
