How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just high enough for therapy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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