I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
