dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
