Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
