After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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