i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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