dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
