Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
