i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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