batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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