I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
