Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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