So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
