fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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