is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
