it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
