Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
