just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
