New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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