somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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