dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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