Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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