Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
