I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
