just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
