if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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