ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
