opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
