I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
